How well do you know yourself? Like really know yourself?
Today I want to dive into core values, what they are, and how you can find yours. In future posts, I’ll show you how you can use this knowledge to help you plan better, especially for the holidays.
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WHAT ARE CORE VALUES?
Each of us has attitudes toward the world around us and general beliefs that drive our daily interactions. They guide our behaviors and are the reasons we give for many of our actions.
But did you know that many of these attitudes and beliefs may actually change over time? Life experiences and social norms have proven to have impacts not only on our behaviors but can even change one’s beliefs.
This is especially true for beliefs that implicitly inform your biases, the ways you quickly perceive and judge the world around you. Things like ones beliefs or attitudes toward gender roles, party politics, race and skin tone, sexuality, and body weight are just a few examples. Think back on the things you believed in when you were in high school. Has anything you used to believe in changed over time?
That said, there are also your underlying foundational beliefs, the things we call Core Values. These are deeper than attitudes and beliefs and are unlikely to change. Core values are the things that are central to who you are and who you want to be. And they can be described as both the desirable ways you want to behave (like being loving or honest) and desirable end states (like being financially secure or well-read).
Drilling down to your true core values can be a challenging task, as it requires honest introspection and at times, some uncomfortable naval-gazing. However, if you are willing to put in the effort to know yourself better, I trust you will find it ultimately rewarding.
DEFINING YOUR CORE VALUES
When you are clear about your core values, it is easier to make decisions. You will have a compass by which to decide if something is aligned with who you are and who you want to be, or not. With this clarity, you will be able to direct your attention to things that have meaning and purpose for you.
To start drilling down on your core values, you will first want to cast a wide net. Look at lists of core values, like the ones below, or generate your own. Either way you will want to make a list of any values that resonate with you.
To help, you can ask yourself some questions to help identify additional values:
- Who are your role models?
- What qualities do you admire about them?
- Do they have certain behaviors that you’d like to emulate?
- Which values feel most like you?
- What do you do, or would you do, absent any external pressures or influences?
- Or conversely, what doesn’t feel like you, or makes you feel wrong or ashamed?
- When faced a dilemma, what would inspire you to act?
- What would cause you to risk something big, like your car or home, to protect?
- Can you think of a situation where you took a stand, even if it wasn’t popular?
While it may be easy for you to articulate some values right away, I also encourage you to take some time to sit with them. Mull them over, think about them in other scenarios. Do they still hold up if you change the circumstances? Consider asking friends and family for input. They may have noticed something about your that you haven’t admitted to yourself or can confirm what you already suspect.
Once you have your list, you are ready for the next step.
GROUPING SIMILAR VALUES
If you’ve written down everything that rings true to you, you probably have some words that overlap or are similar. You may start to see some themes or categories to you values. At this point, I want you to start grouping them together in any way that is logical for you.
For example, when I did this exercise, I had several values that I was able to group. I combined lifelong learning, knowledge seeking, curiousness, well-read and open-mindedness together because for me, they were all part of the same belief.
Try to group related values into buckets. This will help you clarify what your value and give you less total values to work with. Once you have a shorter list, I want you to prioritize them to your top 3-5 individual or groups of values. Keep only your strongest held values on the list.
One way to help you refine that is to try pitting them against one another. You could consider if you would give up one for another. Or, if you could live in a world where only one existed, which would it be. For example, if honest and financial security are vying for a place on your list, would you rather be honest but lack financial security or be financially secure at the cost of your honesty.
If you can answer questions like this and be true to how you really feel, you will know where you stand. See why this can be a challenge? At the end, you should have 3-5 values or value groups in order of importance to you.
MAKING YOUR VALUES ACTIONABLE
Now is the creative part. You need to take these from the conceptual to the actionable. For each value left on you list you will want to turn it into an action statement.
Choose a statement that best exemplifies how you want to demonstrate this value.
If you choose Freedom, how would that manifest for you? Do you mean you speak your mind without self-censorship, you seek opportunities to be your own boss, or you spend your time on things that bring you joy?
Or take Stability. Does that take the form of being consistent with your choices, pursuing a career with better benefits and stable hours, or choosing a well paying job and pursuing your creativity as hobbies.
Sometimes through this process, you may find that values you grouped together actually represent two related but fundamentally different value principals for you. And that’s ok. Revisit your groupings or, heck, go back to the full list if you need to. Drop values off and add them in. Do more than 5 or have only two, its up to you.
At the end of it you will have your own set of personal value statements, literally words to live by.
Let me give you a solid pat on the back for getting this far. The hard part is behind you. Join me on Instagram as @betterwithaplan to get help with core values, share ones you’ve come up with, or give me feedback on how this exercise worked for you. And please check back on the blog next week to dive deeper into how to apply these to your holiday planning, goal setting and decision making.
